Admittedly, I spend most of my time on this blog complaining. Complaining about everything from having to endure medical tests to spending too much at the grocery. I think we all get wrapped up in our own lives, our own problems and annoyances, and at times forget to take perspective. Unfortunately, it usually takes a tragic event to bring us back.
My sister's best friend, Stephanie, passed away last night in Jacksonville, FL. Stephanie was an extraordinary person, talented artist, and treasured friend to many. She battled a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer for the past few years, which eventually spread throughout her body. But regardless of diagnosis or treatment, Stephanie exuded an enviable sense of humor and determination through her struggles. I, for one, never detected one ounce of self-pity from her (even though she would have easily been given a pass for it considering her circumstances). The one thing I will remember most about Stephanie is the way she lived. And I mean SHE LIVED. No apologizes, no holding back, and no regrets. She said whatever she wanted, and did anything she pleased. She took the 34 years given to her and ran with them. I think Stephanie would have loved this quote, not only for its humor, but for the truth in its words: "Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”
Sitting here thinking about Stephanie today, I began to feel really guilty for my recent attitude. I have been bitching and complaining about this or that, meanwhile there are so many bigger things going on in this world. On the other hand, I think maybe that is what we are supposed to do. When I read closely, I think that this is what this quote is all about. And I think Stephanie knew. It's not that she never got angry or annoyed about her circumstances, and it's certainly not that she didn't express it, but instead it is that she never allowed her circumstances to define or run her life. That, I think, is the real lesson we should take from her amazing years on this planet. She felt it all: the disappointments, the pain, and the anger; but then she let it go. She refused to allow these negative feelings to take anything but temporary residence within her. She felt them, then promptly threw them out and got back to living. It was truly inspiring watching her navigate her own way.
I want to be more like Stephanie. I want to live without allowing the negative to overtake the positive. I hope that, like her, I can laugh like hell when something is funny, and get good angry when I need to. But, most of all, I hope that I can always remember that the real trick is moving on and living life. Just like Stephanie did.
Finally, Stephanie's extraordinary spirit had one draw back, it allowed family and friends to believe she had a kind of invincibility. Because Stephanie took everything in stride and with humor, many loved ones never understood or accepted the seriousness of her diagnosis. Many of them, including my sister, are confused and devastated today. They can't believe she is gone and don't know how to go on. There is nothing that I, or anyone for that matter, can say to take away their pain. But I think I know what Stephanie would have done. She would have passionately mourned the loss of a friend, but in the end she would have kept on living. She would have kept on laughing and chasing her dreams. I hope her remaining family and friends can do them same in the face of her devastating loss.
I want to close with a quote that gave me comfort as I mourned the loss of my Grandparents: “Love is stronger than death, even though it can't stop death from happening. But no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
Stephanie's family and friends are on my mind today. I hope they can find peace in knowing that their beloved friend has too found it at long last. I love you all and am so sorry for your loss.
No comments:
Post a Comment