Keepin' it Real

One of the reasons I began this blog was to share my experience with friends and family who may have the misfortune of facing a similar struggle in the future.  Yes, the statistics show that an overwhelming number of couples experience infertility.  But, statistics are cold and hard to relate to.  I hope that sharing my personal experience will lessen the feeling of loneliness and inferiority for just one loved one.

Therefore, I committed to sharing the good, bad, and the ugly truth about this process long ago.  I usually write about the emotional havoc this process takes on you, but today I want to touch on some of the physical effects the injections have on the body.  Some I expected through my research, some I did not.   Therefore, my observations below may just be TOO MUCH INFORMATION for some of you, so feel free to vacate now...

So, let's keep it real:

1. My lower abdomen is super swollen.  Like, belly-full-of-jelly swollen.  Not that I had flat washboard abs to begin with, but my stomach was fairly flat (although soft and plushy ;)).  Now it's all swelled with big black bruises.  Cute.
2.  Big boobs before fertility injections = UNBELIEVABLY big boobs after fertility injections.  I really didn't think it was possible for my boobs to get any bigger than they are naturally.  Let's face it, I have always been extra-blessed (or more-like cursed) in that department.  But they are huge.  Disgustingly so.  And not only that, but my nipples hurt.  I mean seriously, it hurts when my shirt rubs against them.  Ugh.  I really hate these things (breasts).

3.  My ovaries are killing me.  I am experiencing really sharp, albeit fast, pains on a fairly regular basis.  My doc said this is normal and due to the swelling of my ovaries (which are on overdrive). 

4.  Since beginning these injections, I have had a constant headache.  And I don't mean a dull headache, I mean the kind where my head feels like it is in a vice kind of ache.  I know, I know, no big deal you say.  Take some extra strength Tylenol/Advil and let it go.   Not so fast!  I am on a daily does of baby aspirin per my doc, but have been advised to limit taking additional pain relievers as much as possible.  So, most days, I just suffer through it as much as possible.

5.  To say I am exhausted is an understatement.  I could lay down right now and not get out of bed until Monday morning.  Easily.  Actually, I may just do that (but this is not the point). 

6.  Finally, my back has been aching.  I'm not really sure why this is, but it has to be linked to the hormones.  I don't normally have back aches.

So, think about this:  We are doing all this to make a baby.  Yes, the ovulating and  fertilization are must do's in this process, but it all must begin with, well S-E-X.  Although we are scheduled for artificial insemination, we are combining this method with the good-old-fashioned wham bam thank you m'am (I told you this may be TMI) to up our chances of conception.  Considering the above disclosures, just imagine how sexy I am feeling about right now.  Combine this with the fact that I am (admittedly) acting like a bipolar crazy person, and you can see what a recipe for intimacy we have around here.  It's such a cruel joke ~ I must take this medication to be fertile, but taking it could not make me feel more unattractive, undesirable, and just crazy in general. 

No one said this would be easy and I am finding it even more taxing and difficult than I had imagined.  But, I have my fingers crossed that all it will be worthwhile.  I pray that the swelling, bruises, and pains will all be forgotten and replaced with memories of a healthy pregnancy and child (or children).  Finally, I pray that I can somewhat control my slightly-homicidal, bipolar, mood swings.  None of this will be worth anything if I kill (just joking) or run-off everyone I love in the process  :)

So, to my wonderful friends and uber-amazing husband, I am so sorry for my mood as of late.  Please know that I love you and appreciate you more than you could ever imagine, no matter what hateful words are spewing out of my mouth at any particular minute.  Now, that is keepin' it real.