Broke? Humf.

Watch out, because Momma's in a bad, bad mood today.

It  seems like every time I turn on the TV or open a newspaper, there is a story claiming that the bottom is dropping out of America's economy.  These stories claim that there is a financial crisis effecting most low to middle income Americans.  That these people are struggling desperately to pay their bills and feed their faces. 

I do believe there is a crisis going on in America.  I think it feeds on low income individuals, and has crept its way into middle-income America.  It is not a financial crisis like many in the media would have you believe.  Yes, the economy is bad.  But, I have yet to see people standing in line for bread.  In fact, what I see is precisely the opposite.

I hardly ever go to the mall.  Unfortunately, we just don't have the disposable income which would allow me to engage in such retail therapy.   I don't get manicures or pedicures.  I haven't gotten my hair cut or colored since November.  It's not that I don't want these things, in fact I would love to.  But, we pay our bills first.  In this house, when it comes down to getting a pedicure or paying the electricity, we pay the electricity.  That's just how I was raised.

I am beginning to think this is becoming the minority opinion in America.  Why?  Because every time I go to a restaurant, it is full.  By full, I mean we have to wait to be seated.  And when I went to the mall with my mom for the first time in a long while last weekend, it was frighteningly packed.  Like, we could not find a parking spot ANYWHERE.  And everyone had bags (except me LOL).  Bags with a "S."  Only two things could account for this:  (1) Louisville, Kentucky is full of ultra-rich people, or (2)  This "financial crisis" is not exactly what it seems.

Need further evidence that our poor and downtrodden really aren't so "poor" and "downtrodden?"  I invite you to come with me to court on Arraignment day.  You would be shocked at how many people claim that they are "indigent" and in need of a state-provided attorney.  And every single one of them is wearing designer duds, with freshly manicured hands, and toting the newest cellphone around.  9/10 are on "disability" or welfare and don't work.  So instead of using their disposable income on paying their bills, these people expect the State to pick up the tab on necessities so they can get air-brushed acrylics.  Its sickening.

So, as I have alluded to in prior blogs, I think America's crisis is less of a financial matter and more of an accountability nature. 

Why this topic today?  Because I am SICK AND TIRED of my clients not paying their bills.  I am self-employed.  If my clients don't pay their bill on time, I cannot pay my bills on time. 

I am an extremely lenient bookkeeper.  I give my clients chance after chance to pay their balances and seldom charge interest or late fees.  I let them create their own payment plans according to their budgets and abilities.  All I ask is that they follow through.  Where does this generosity and understanding get me?  Nowhere.  They just keep taking advantage.

Yet, every time I see them, they are dressed and accessorized to the hilt. And not a one of them looks to be starving.

Seeing as though my current manner of dealing with my clients is causing me financial hardship, I need to make some changes.  It's a shame, really.  I set out to help people in this business.  I allowed them to pay installments toward their legal fee instead of requiring total payment up front like many of my counterparts because I understand the concept of "budget."  I am on one myself.  But, I'm not going to be able to do this anymore.  The constantly growing number of my clients abusing this system has rendered it impossible.

I'm just SICK AND TIRED.

My Security Blanket

"Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But here's the truth...the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is...everything."  Grey's Anatomy

We have finally reached the magical 12 week point of the pregnancy.  As such, the risk of miscarriage has supposedly decreased drastically.  This is wonderful news and we are so, so, happy to have finally gotten here.

We also consulted with an OB yesterday, having "graduated" from the fertility specialist.  We went to an OB recommended by the fertility doc, so yesterday was my and Tom's first meeting with him.  Fact is, I have been seeing specialists for so long that my original OB/gyn no longer delivers babies!!

In good news, we got to see baby Cypert and see his/her little heart  beat again.  This was my first tummy ultrasound, as all the others had been vaginal.  I must say, I had gotten accustomed to the clarity and quality of our baby pictures with the vaginal ultrasound, and kinda miss it.  But the important thing is that Baby Cypert seems to be doing well, and his/her due date is holding steady at October 14-16.  Even though the picture is not as clear, Baby Cypert is looking less like a gummi bear and more like an infant at this point  :)

  With all the good that comes with completing my fourth month of pregnancy, I must admit I am a little frightened.  You see, I have been on a strict regiment of progesterone supplements since beginning the fertility treatments.  I have been diagnosed with PCOS, which is a disorder caused by a substantial hormone deficiency.  Dangerously low levels of progesterone are the leading cause of miscarriage.   Without the progesterone supplements, it is pretty clear that I would not have conceived NOR would I have been able to sustain this pregnancy.   In other words, these extremely bothersome, yet magic suppositories have acted as my security blanket these past four months.


However, I am now being taken off the suppositories.  Docs say that once your reach 9-10 weeks of pregnancy, the placenta has taken over the role of producing progesterone so the supplements are no longer needed.

Don't get me wrong, I will not miss the disgusting gooey mess that they make, or the constant feeling that I may have peed my pants (TMI yes, but truth is not always pretty).  What I will miss is the comfort and security that they have given me.  Administering this medication twice a day assured me that the baby was in fact getting what he/she needed.  It has been established and documented that I cannot alone produce enough progesterone to sustain the pregnancy, so who is to say that the placenta (which I created) will do any better?   This change in my pregnancy routine is scary and one that I am not eager to make.

But, as Tom constantly reminds me, this is just one of the many times when I will worry from here on out.  Being a parent is an endless marathon of changing and adjusting, learning and re-learning, and trusting and verifying.   Unfortunately, there are no security blankets for parents. So, I guess this is one of many times that I will just have to trust the expert (verified by my good friend google) and take a leap. 


xoxo

Tackling *blah* Thursday with a smile!

Ok.  I'm having one of those days where I can't seem to get anything right.  I try, but I am continuously screwing things up!  What in the world is wrong with me?  I have managed to screw two of my clients cases up in the same day.  Nothing earth shattering, just stupid mistakes that I seem to be making more and more these days. 

Not to mention that I feel gross.  Seriously, I only have a small bump and ALREADY with the stretch marks!!!!  Yuck!  I have two sets going vertically up my abdomen on each side of my belly button.  I'm sure an effective way to describe these evil bastards would be a photo.  HA!  No chance!  What I will say is that cocoa butter can kiss my *s#!  I've been smothering that stuff on my stomach for weeks and it has done nothing to deter them!  Angie Everheart is a bi*&h and a liar.  ;) 

So, what is really bothering me?  I miss working in public service.  No, I didn't make any money.  Public servants are overworked, underpaid, and vastly under appreciated.  As a prosecutor, I could hardly pay my bills much less have any hope of paying off my law school loan in this lifetime.  On the other hand, not having to worry about collecting legal fees gave me the ability to focus ALL my attention on solving the problem/helping the victim/and fighting for what is right.  This simplicity of purpose suited my personality much better.  These days, I feel like all I do is chase after my clients to pay their unpaid bills.  It must be done, because my bills still have to be paid not to mention the overhead of my business.  But, I can't help feeling guilty about it knowing that most of my clients are also struggling financially.  I guess I just wasn't born to be a big "hustler." 

Maybe I'm not a good "hustler," but by golly I was born to be a fighter.  This is what I loved so much about prosecution.  It was easy for me to fight for most of those cases.  They not only felt personal, but I felt like I was doing the right thing.  Now-days, most of my cases are just the opposite.  I do get a client here and there that pulls at my heartstrings and seems sincere.  I love these cases:  The ones where I feel like my clients have indeed been wronged in some way and that they are in need of justice.  But to be frank, these cases are few and far between.  The vast majority of my cases involve individuals who think personal accountability is an Accounting principle and rules are for suckers.  Most are spoiled, flawed, entitled individuals who expect me to get them out of something (that they in fact did) after the fact.  I truly have trouble committing my heart and soul to this kind of thing.  Most days, I just want to scream at them.

While my rules/conservative-oriented personality prevents me from sympathizing with many of my clients, my extensive background in prosecution makes me an extremely effective defense attorney.  I not only speak the prosecutor's language, but I also know what they are thinking and what they can or cannot prove.  All these things are essential to defending someone competently.  So I guess in the end this clash of personalities is a blessing and a curse I must live with.  Plus, as opposed to the past, I no longer need to derive all my joy and life's satisfaction from work.  My job is just something I do in order to live and enjoy my life.  Not the other way around.  Thank goodness!

So, in the interest of cheering myself up on this dreary day, I feel like sharing some of the things that make me laugh.  When I get stressed, or down, or just feel like a chubby loser (kinda like today), I turn to these things to bring me back to reality and remind me that life is good.  That is, life AND laughter are good.  Especially when we don't take our own lives too seriously.

Watch for the giraffes.  Tom swears the girly-giraffe is me...Hum.  LOL!

THIS NEXT ONE IS DEFINATELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK.  Bad language, but absolutely hillarious and so true.  I love Katt Williams.  One of the funniest comics ever. 

There is something strangely attractive about Ron White.  Of course, this is coming from the same person who is strangely attracted to the likes of Jack Black, Jeremy Piven, and one of my nerdy college history professors that couldn't have been over 5 feet tall and wore man-vests!!!  Ha!

 
And my favorite...

Have a great Thurday people!  <3

Super-bellies and other mythical creatures

Sure, I can smell what my neighbor's cooking for dinner.  And, yes, my body is blooming into a bona-fide all-inclusive baby hotel.  But, I am no superhero.  Thus, every once in a while, I'll admit that I need a nap, or a snack, or a few seconds to catch my breath after walking up stairs.  Since when did women have to become superheroes to survive pregnancy and all its trappings?   And finally, where can I turn in my cape?

This morning I rested comfortably in bed reading a fascinating book called "Fetal Origins:  How the First Nine Months Shape Your Life."  The author, Annie Murphy Paul, has managed to explain the newest findings in "fetal origins" research in an extremely entertaining and thought provoking way.  The book explores how factors such as nutrition, intense, crisis-induced stress and chemical exposure in the prenatal environment are tied to children's post-birth physical health, intellectual development and emotional well-being. Only a true pregnant nerd could find comfort in reading a scientific study of prenatal issues.  But I digress...

Enter, Tom.  It was about 9:15 a.m. and he stopped by the house to grab something he had forgotten this morning before work.  I was instantly ashamed and embarrassed to be lallygagging around in bed on 9:15 a.m. on a Thursday.  Shouldn't I be at work, or cleaning, or grocery shopping, or something at least a bit productive?  Don't get me wrong, Tom said nothing to bring on this shame.  It was ALL me, just the built-in guilt factor that all of us women carry around these days.

So, when did it start?  When did women begin feeling guilty for the changes in their physical abilities upon pregnancy?  It was about the same time people were burning their bras.

Women's lib may have helped break that glass ceiling but it also did one very disastrous disservice to women:  It established unreachable and completely unreasonable expectations.  Not only are we told that we CAN have it all, but we are made to believe doing so should be easy.  Now-a-days, we are taught that our everyday routines, including work and stressful activities, should stay exactly the same regardless of our maternal situation.

It's a load of crap, really.

100 years ago pregnant women in the United States were considered much more valuable and, thus treated much more so, than we are today.  They were revered and coddled in a way that recognized the absolutely miraculous thing happening within their bodies.  Of course, this kid-glove treatment was not for the purpose of protecting the women.  Instead, it was necessitated by men who felt that their own worth was best evidenced by successful procreation.  Male arrogance, instead of female protection, was at the root of this custom.

As the years marched on, things changed, along with attitudes.  By the 60's and 70's, there was a full-blown revolution happening when it came to women's rights.  Our mothers and grandmothers did some really great things.  For instance, laws were passed protecting women from gender discrimination in hiring, promotions, and firing.  I likely owe much of my current career to these balsy broads.  Back then, women repeatitively urged that they were no different than men, and should not be treated so.

While I do believe this is generally true, this oft repeated battle cry fails to take into consideration one important difference between the sexes:  Childbearing.  Women and men are similar in many respects, but to my knowledge no physician has ever figured out how to successfully "knock up" our male counterparts.  This small, but REALLY BIG, forgotten detail has caused many a pregnant woman heartache and shame over the years.

The truth is, pregnancy does change things.  Aside from the obvious (boobs, belly, and butt), it changes our abilities on a more intricate level.  Preggos are frequently tired and hungry.  We tire out more easily, and for good reason.  I don't know, just creating life over here!!!  No biggie...

I am amazed that in these last 11 weeks, I have not only created a whole being, but have also made from scratch all his/her organs and bones.  I have built an in-house dining area for this little bugger as well as a warm and cuddly home.  I have done all this while also taking care of myself, my business, my home (not as vigorously as I could've), and everything else imaginable.  Now, I am certainly not saying I am anything special.  I am only doing what pregnant women throughout the centuries have done time and time again.  And, to be sure, it will only get harder the closer to October I get.     

So, think about the above to-do list and then add-in the exhaustion that comes with 20-30 pounds of extra weight, being kicked and prodded from the inside, a nagging urge to pee constantly, and then tell me pregnant women are no different!  It's only common sense.  Pregnant women are different.  And thus, it is only natural that our routines should and must change during this all-important time.

What got me thinking about this you ask?  Well, the book "Origins" uses cutting edge research to make the case that the 9 months spent "in utero" are not only important, but determinative of the baby's future.  There are studies on how the children of mothers who went through large-scale disasters while pregnant (9-11/Katrina) are more likely to develop schizophrenia.  Studies also show that the children of mothers who endured famine during their pregnancies are more likely to have issues with obesity and heart disease.  These are just a few of the examples she puts forth to make the case that our babies are not only growing, but also learning responses to life and stress while in utero. 

Of course, the circumstances mentioned above are extreme, and thus (pray to God) won't be applicable to most women.  Most of us go through our pregnancies without having to live through a natural or terrorist disaster.  But, hardly any of us get by without dealing with everyday stress from work and home.  Could this kind of stress also leave an impression on our unborn babies?

Her answer is yes.  There are studies showing differing behaviors of children whose mom's worked full-time in high demand jobs while pregnant, as opposed to mothers who cut back on their hours to get through the pregnancy.  Remarkably, the second group's children showed a significantly lower instance of behavioral and emotional issues during childhood.   Several other similar studies are discussed to support this theory.

The point is this:  Yes, we know that our physical actions make physical impressions upon the unborn child.  Too much alcohol can cause fetal alcohol syndrome, too much fish is bad, too.  But, isn't it just as likely that our emotional and stress-ridden reactions to life can be passed on as acceptable behavior during the 9 months before birth?  I mean, this whole little person is living inside, subject to every skipped heartbeat and blood pulse of the mother.   Duh.

So, armed with this knowledge I have decided to hand in my Superwoman cape (never really deserved one anyway).  I have no interest in being a Superwoman, Superbelly, or any other type of mythical creature. 

Instead, I am going to keep sleeping in when I have no court and working no more than 30 hours/week while it is at all possible.  I am not going to feel ashamed when I have to catch my breath doing the exactly same thing as the non-pregnant person next to me.  And I am going to try and teach my baby, through my reactions even now, that life really is a wonderful thing.  Even though some of us still wear bras.  :(

P.S.:  I am certain my wonderful momma is going to use this post against me and chastise me once again for moving a piece of furniture on my own the other day.  Hooah, momma.  Hooah.

Fivel goes West

My husband is originally from Oklahoma.  He arrived in Kentucky via the United States Army in the early 90's.  As he was training to be a Cavalry Scout, I was pretending to play dodge ball at Northside.  LOL.  While posted at Fort Knox, he met a girl and got married.  But it was with the birth of his son Bradley that Oklahoma permanently lost its native son to Kentucky.

Much of my husband's family still lives in the Southern Oklahoma/Dallas, TX area.  On Friday, Tom's grandmother passed away after suffering a heart attack in Ardmore, Oklahoma.  Unfortunately, my pregnancy prevented me from accompanying him on the 13 hour drive required to pay last respects to Memaw.  Early Saturday morning, he left and headed west all by himself.  :(  Before he left, he gave me instructions on how we will keep connected while he is gone.  We each promised to listen to our song before bed at night.  He even remarked, "It will be like Fivel looking up at the stars on that movie."  Of course, he was referring to "An American Tail" which I LOVED as a child.  This adorable sensitivity is just one of the many things I love about this man. 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, yet it's hard for me to imagine how I could possibly love my husband more.  With him is where I feel most comfortable, most myself, and most loved.  He really is my home.  We feel very lucky to have found each other.

What I can say is that his absence this weekend has reiterated just how much joy he brings to my everyday life. He makes me laugh and softens my all-too-often sharp edges.  My life is filled with happiness and hope these days, and this is ALL because of him.

So here I sit.  Tom has been gone for approximately 30 hours and I am missing him something awful.  At the same time, I can't help but think of how lucky I am that our separation is the exception rather than the rule.  Think about what is happening in Japan, and how devastated and scared friends and family must be for their loved ones.  And what about the men and women in the armed forces?  They and their families must endure extended absences in extremely dangerous circumstances.  I just can't imagine.

In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing.

But, indulge me.  Do me a favor and give your loved ones a big hug and kiss tonight before bed.  Let them know how much they mean to you while you can.  Do it for me, and all the other much more deserving souls out there missing their mates. 

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time.  There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them"

Did somebody say "babymoon"?

So, as I add up the cost of all the things I would like to do in the next 6 months, I might as well add another luxury item to the list:  A Babymoon. 

I've been sitting here daydreaming about taking one last romantic trip before the baby comes.  I would love for my hubby to whisk me off to some secluded and romantic place.  A place with a luxury spa, pool, and plenty of good food of course.  I imagine us sitting on a porch somewhere beautiful, drinking tea, and relaxing the day away.

Then I wake up to reality.  How in the heck would we swing a Babymoon!?!  We didn't even go on a Honeymoon!  (Although we skipped the honeymoon to start our fertility treatments, so I personally think we still came out ahead!!  :)

So, here is my pre-baby wish (emphasis on wish) list as it stands right now:

(1)  New carpet in all bedrooms, especially nursery.  My beloved cat Scarlett has taken to using that room as her personal toilet these past couple of years.  I can't really get mad at her; she has a brain tumor and incontinence is one of its side-effects.  But this one is a must-do before the baby gets here.
(2)  New paint and possible mural in nursery.  A couple of my friends have the most beautiful hand-painted murals in their nurseries.  They are beautiful and so special.  I'm thinking baby-Cypert may have to settle for stick-on art, but we shall see.
(3)  Built-in changing station in the nursery closet, complete with plenty of shelves and nooks.  I saw this idea on a nursery blog and fell in love instantly.  The sides of the closet are lined with shelves while the changing table is removable.  This way, the space can be converted back to a closet as the baby's needs change.  Love it!
(4)  Nursery Furniture:  I.e.Crib and possibly dresser.  I have very ambitious plans to refinish an old dresser and armoire for the nursery.  Let's just see how far that project gets...
(5)  New/safe/appropriate car so the baby doesn't have to ride to the pediatrician in the back of Tom's patrol vehicle when I am busy.  You have NO CLUE what kind of nasty things/nasty people go on in the back of a patrol car.  I don't want our baby anywhere near it.  Seriously, it would just be wrong.
(6)  **Babymoon**  Just typing the above makes me long for a vacation.  Urg.  I guess that whole "putting the baby first" thing has already started.

It's for Real!!!!!!

Forgive my reflection in the second photo, but THERE HE/SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!

What a wonderful, wonderful day today was!  I can't tell you how much joy and relief came when we saw the quick little flicker of our baby's heartbeat today!  The baby is measuring consistently at 7w5d past conception, which puts me in my 9th week!!!  The baby's heartbeat was strong at 170 beats per minute! Only a few more weeks and we will be out of the woods  :)

Today was really, really, really magical.  I know most of you reading this know the feeling, and maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but I can't help it!  HOW AMAZING TO SEE YOUR BABY'S HEART BEATING!  It was like a weight had been lifted for both of us.  I fought back tears as we watched the little bugger.  All I could say was, "Oh my Gosh, look at the baby!"  When the nurse practitioner left the room, Tom took me in his harms and gave me the tightest and sweetest hug.  Then, in true Tom-style, he gave me a high five.  It seems we both really needed the reassurance of seeing that flicker!

You see, I'm  not sure I had allowed myself to get too excited about this pregnancy before today.  I know Tom is guarded about his excitement.  Personally, I was so worried something would go wrong that I felt nervous getting excited.  I felt like the more excited and certain I was of this baby, the more likely something would go wrong.  Besides that, it's just hard to believe that I'm actually preganant and that we are actually having a baby!!!!  It seemed like such an impossible dream for so long.  So, I kept on thinking that there had been a mistake - that at some point the Docs would discover that they were wrong.  But, my friends, there is absolutely no denying it today!!!!  Not only did we see the hearbeat, but we saw the little bitty arm and leg buds.  We are amazed, humbled, and most of all blessed!

I know this is rambling and may not make any sense, but I'm still on cloud nine.  I can't get the image of that flicker out of my mind, the most beautiful little tiny light in the world!  It's finally sinking in that these past couple months have actually been real.  That all our hard work and determination has paid off in such an amazing way.  Most of all, that our dream of adding to our already wonderful family has actually come true.

To say we are blessed is an understatement.  There simply are no words to express our joy today.  And there is no way we could ever thank you enough for your constant prayers and support.  The Cypert's are mighty fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family.

Love you all.  xoxo

What's the Secret?

After receiving news that one of my juvenile clients tested positive for marijuana yet again I got to thinking, what is the secret?  What makes a child good or bad; diligent or lazy; responsible or careless?  Is it hereditary or dependent on their environment, or ultimately a combination of both?  As a slightly obsessive perfectionist, what in the world am I going to do without directions on this?   It's just too important to wing it!  

Question at hand:  How do I navigate this parenting thing so as to produce the most responsible, loving, generous, and hard-working person possible?  

I know, I know, it's a little early to worry about what kind of adult our currently-grape-sized fetus turns out to be.  But, then again time flies.  Before we know it the baby will be here; then crawling; then walking; then talking - and all the while learning how to behave from us.

I have tried to think back to the kids I knew well in school.  The kids who navigated high school without a permanent seat in detention, and then the others.  I have failed in identifying similarities in parenting with respect to the successful crew as opposed to the delinquents.  Fact is, I know extremely well-adjusted, successful, responsible people who had lax/non-involved parents.  Then, I can think of juvenile delinquents who grew up with strict, involved parents.  I can think of examples of the visa versa as well.  So, what gives?

This is just such an awesome responsibility.  I want to do the best for my baby.  I just have no clue how to do that.  Any of you mommas/dads out there have some advice?  How did you decide to parent and why?

PS - Our ultrasound has been moved up from Friday to tomorrow!!!  So excited and can't wait to see the heartbeat - We may even be able to hear it!!!!  xoxo