I'm sure I will make mistakes as a parent. The "perfect parent" does not exist. But there is one mistake I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT MAKE. Not as long as there is breath left in my body...
Lana will NOT be raised in or around substance abuse of any kind. She will never feel the hurt and pain caused by addiction of a parent OR a grandparent. And, she will never feel inferior to something that comes from a bottle, or anything else for that matter.
Children of an addict develop a "disease" of their own. We have scars that never really heal. The disease of co-dependency is almost as dysfunctional and destructive as addiction itself. It causes an unshakable feeling of inferiority and shame in the child's mind which lingers into adulthood. The child learns to adapt behavior to compensate for another person's abuses. As we become adults, the children of addiction constantly struggle with the push and pull of a toxic relationship. It is a terrible, terrible feeling to love someone but have no way to help...No way to stop their self-destruction. Ultimately, the unsatisfying answer is to establish boundaries in order to self-protect. But even this causes feelings of guilt and sadness to linger. The worry and doubts never cease. We are never really free from the emotional control of the addict.
I suffer from this collateral disease of co-dependency, as does my sister. We have worked very hard to treat our disease and establish/maintain healthy boundaries. But it is an endless struggle to accept and feel peace.
And through no choice of our own, we have missed out on a could-be meaningful relationship because of addiction. But we are not the only ones in my family in this predicament. Addiction truly is a family disease and tends to span the generations. It tends to repeat itself over and over. However, IT STOPS HERE. Period. I will not let Lana be further collateral damage to addiction.
In summary, I may not be able to cure my loved one's disease, but I can certainly protect my daughter from inheriting mine.
