Blueprint for a Happy Life

I often sit and think about the kind of person I would like Lana to become. 

It took me a number of years to learn some of the lessons I have written below.  There are some I still struggle to live by.  But, they are the "rules" that I try to follow in my life and the ones that I think lead to happiness and contentment.  After all is said and done, these two things are worth more than all the money in the world.   

So, here is my blueprint for raising our daughter.  I hope in the midst of all the madness that is sure to come, we never lose sight of the big picture; i.e. Lana's happiness:  

~You only have one life.  Success, achievement, wealth, and comfort are all very nice.  But absolutely nothing will replace true happiness.

~Happiness can only really be found in loving yourself and those around you.

~Love is a risk always worth taking.

~Be kind to others first.  You never know what kind of struggles and battles they are busy fighting in their own lives.

~Be honest with yourself and others. Doing so will save you a heap of trouble AND earn you the respect of others...even those who disagree with you.  

~Accept help when you need it.  This does not make you weak, but actually demonstrates your inner strength.

~Be gentle to and love your fur-babies.  There will be days when your furry friends will be the only ones who can stand to be around you.

~Family is everything.  No matter how crazy, meddling, opinionated, or lovingly dysfunctional, they really do have your best interests at heart. 

~Failure is O.K.  Making mistakes is part of life and how we learn.  It's the part that comes after that matters the most.

~Strive to forgive people.  Forgiveness does not mean you have to like a person or choose to surround yourself with them.  But carrying hatred in your heart takes away from your own inner peace and happiness.

~There will be days when you feel like no one cares.  There will be days when you feel all alone in this world.  It's those days that I want you to read back through this blog.  Remember that you are a miracle and dream come true to me and your father.  And as long as we are here, you will never be alone.


xoxo
   

O M G...

My belly button is popping out.  I'm sure of it. 

Those who know me best know how utterly terrifying this is to me.

It is bulging at all the corners, and I feel like it is only a matter of time.

Please Lord, give me strength.

I must take a second to...

"A good character is the best tombstone.  Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered.  Carve your name on hearts, not on marble."  ~Charles H. Spurgeon
I have always known I have some awesome friends.  But, there are times when I am simply overwhelmed by the selfless and giving nature of those around me.  I have had several of these moments these past few months, and almost all of them involve the chick pictured above.

This girl has gone above and beyond in helping me make this nursery a special place for our little Lana to come home to.  Not just with ideas...No.  I mean she has gotten her hands dirty, literally, as you can see in the picture below:

She has helped me plan, paint, and refinish furniture for Lana's room.  And today, she spent several hours painting the most beautiful hand-painted image on Lana's nursery wall.  She has stepped in to do those things I cannot do, whether due to my condition or lack of creative talent  LOL.  And in doing so she has made this experience SO VERY SPECIAL for me.

I don't know how many hours she has devoted to me, Tom, and Lana in the past few months, but it has definitely been more than we could ever repay her for.  And all this work she has done out of the goodness of her heart.  She is the kind of friend who talks the talk and walks the walk.  She just doesn't offer to help, she insists.  Where most people would argue that they just don't have the time,  Big Al (a nickname referring to her small stature but BIG personality) makes it look easy to be  giving.  Never mind that she has plenty of excuses to give:  her own work, 2 busy toddlers, and a husband with odd and intrusive work hours, any of which would suffice. 

I'm not going to post her beautiful work just yet - I want to wait to post pics of the nursery when it is finally complete.  But, I just couldn't let another day go by without celebrating this awesome woman!  Big Al - I hope you realize just how much I appreciate everything you have done for us.  Your talent in design and decor is unequaled, but more than anything it's the time and attention that I will always remember.  You have made this moody momma feel very special and thankful for our long friendship.  I only hope one day I can return the favor!!!!!!!!   


And by the way, if you are thinking of redecorating your home, I cannot recommend her highly enough!  She is an interior designer with exquisite taste.  She has her own freelance business and can be as involved as you need.  Please contact me for her info if you are interested!!

Meet Daddy

Dear Lana,

Only a few more weeks until you will make your grand entrance into this world!  I feel so lucky to have had this quality time with you.  For the most part, your kicks have been playful and your hiccups really make mommy laugh.  Even when you wake me in the middle of the night, I lay in bed smiling.  In fact, every single moment we have spent together has meant more to mommy than anything in the whole wide world.  And although I am really anxious to hold you in my arms, I know I will miss holding you inside my belly for the rest of my life.

The best thing about being a mommy is getting to spend these first few months with you all by ourselves.  But, there is someone just as excited and important that you should know about before October.  Yep, I think it's just about time you meet your daddy. 

You know my voice?  Well, his is the deeper and slightly more distant voice you hear almost as often.  You may have heard him telling mommy how much he loves her or how much he loves our life together.  He says these things alot because he knows they make mommy feel good.  I'm sure you have also heard him talking to you - telling you how excited he is to meet you and how much he loves you.  Sometimes he gets really close to my belly and whispers your name and gives you a little kiss.

Don't tell your daddy I told you, but he is really a big 'ol softy at heart.  He is big and strong BUT also tears up during sad movies or commercials if he thinks no one is looking.  And when it comes to you, he is already wrapped around your little fingers!  He worries all the time about keeping you safe and happy.  And he can't wait to show you off to the world.  He's always telling me how you are going to be a "daddy's girl" and I don't doubt it at all.  He can be very charming when he wants to be.

Your daddy makes mommy feel special and loved, even when mommy isn't feeling too good about herself.  Now that you are on board, he does thing to spoil "us."  He runs us a bath, lights candles, and turns on soft music to help us relax at night.  And just tonight, he didn't complain when mommy was 'too tired' to make dinner even though he had just worked a 12 hour shift.  Instead, he turned on the grill and treated us to some brats and baked beans.  He even rubs our feet, regardless of the fact they haven't had a pedicure in more than forever.  This, I assure you, is quite impressive.

Anyway, the most important thing for you to know is that your mommy AND daddy love you more than anything in the world.  And just because daddy isn't carrying you around in his belly all day doesn't mean you aren't already in his heart. 

Love and see you soon,

Mommy

P.S. - This letter could be longer, but daddy just called mommy out about having the computer in her lap.  As I said, he is constantly worrying about our safety.  Truth is, mommy thinks it is super cute and sweet  :) 

Pink Elephant

Wow.

A couple days ago I opened my mail and found something I never thought I would see, but have dreamed of for years and years.  

It wasn't a Publisher's Clearing House Check for a million dollars. 
It wasn't a letter from a long lost friend.
And, it wasn't notice from the US Treasury waiving any and all future tax payments from my household (although this would be nice).


What was this miraculous piece of mail you ask?  It was an invitation to a baby shower, FOR ME AND LANA!


Of course, I knew it was coming.  A few of my very good friends have literally been planning and plotting such an event since February.  But, the emotion I felt  standing in the kitchen staring at it is the kind that will only be understood by my fertility-challenged sisters out there.  There is just something about seeing things "in print."  Black and white if you will.  The nature of ink not only makes something real, but also validates a whole lifetime of wants and wishes that at one time seemed SO out of reach.  The feeling was a mixture of shock, gratitude, and relief mixed with overwhelming happiness.


You see, I have personally hosted more baby showers than I can count on two hands.  And for every single one, I took great pains in picking an invitation that would be special and fitting for the lovely mommy-to-be.  One that she could place in her baby book with pride along side baby's first ultrasound and nursery pics.  I loved doing it for my dear friends, but there was a part of me that also felt overwhelmingly jealous.  I would catch myself picking out invitations for a baby shower of my own, with my personal taste and style, only to realize how silly such a notion really was.  As the years had marched on, I silently came to the conclusion that my name would never grace one of these pretty little blue or pink invitations except for on the "hosted by" line.  


As many baby showers as I have hosted, I have received invitations for at least ten more.  Same story.  I'd open it and smile, while pushing back and trying to ignore that all-to-familiar feeling of envy.  Secretly wishing my name was printed on the "honoring" line. 


It is unbelievable to me that I now have my own *pink* invitation to hang on the fridge.  It is truly the most wonderful surprise of a lifetime.


I must say, this little pink invitation came at precisely the right time.  These last few weeks have been more difficult as I have been pretty down because of the blood sugar thing.  In addition, they seem to drag on, therefore giving rise to all kinds of doubts and unpleasant thoughts.  Getting this invitation has reminded me not only what we have to look forward to, but also how VERY FAR we have come.


Thank you to Lori, Linda, Allison, Rena, and Ashton for making this hormonal, swollen, hungry, pregnant girl feel so very special.  I am so excited for this shower, and for the chance to celebrate this miracle with you and so many other loved ones.  <3

Anxiety Central

OK.  T minus 9 weeks and I am starting to get nervous.  Like super nervous.  And neurotic.  And overwhelmed.  And needy.  And demanding.  And impatient.  And any other anxiety producing feeling you can feel.

The nursery is not ready by a long shot.  Not only have we not finished painting the room, but the dresser and armoire have not been completed either.  The bedding is still being made (which is nobody's fault but my own since I haven't gotten all the fabric together yet) and I am still weighing wall decor options.  I wish we had the money to just hire someone and say "Do this" but, alas, we don't.  And doing it yourself just doesn't cut it when yourself can't seem to do much of anything these days.  I am so lucky that one of my besties Allison has helped, because without her I'm quite sure NOTHING would be done!  Aside from all this, we don't have a single bottle or other necessary "baby" item in the house (with the exception of the crib, but it doesn't have a mattress, so I'm not sure what good it will do).  I feel like there is SO MUCH to do and not enough time/energy to do it. 

But, how can I get all this stuff ready when I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed these days?  Tom and Allison can't do everything.  I guess I just didn't really expect to be this tired.  It's a whole new level of exhaustion I was unaware existed.  I am now even more impressed by those women that cruise through their third trimester with seemingly endless energy.  Or with other children running around.  I can't even imagine.  Maybe it's my age, maybe it's the heat, or maybe it's just me: but I am definitely struggling.  Which makes me feel like a big fat failure.

And besides that, I recently got some **absolutely stellar** news (I hope you can sense the sarcasm).  I knew it was too much to ask to make it through this pregnancy with absolutely no medical issues.  As I cruised through the first and second trimesters, I just waited for the other shoe to drop.  And it finally has.   The results from my glucose tests came back and they aren't good.  It looks as if I will likely be diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  Goodbye banana ice cream.  I will miss you until we can be together again.

This latest sugary-speed bump has thrown me for a loop.  Again with the blame.  I am mad at myself and disappointed that I couldn't pass this stupid test...as if I had any control over it whatsoever.  But that is besides the point.  I have been angry with my body because I again feel like a big failure.  I was crappy at getting pregnant, now I am crappy at being pregnant.  I would have just liked something to go smoothly. 

But, at it's core this is just another hormone-related problem.  And not completely shocking since mothers who suffer from PCOS have a higher probability of being diagnosed with gestational diabetes.   Once again I have been blessed with friends who have been supportive and shared their experiences with me.  All who were diagnosed with gestational diabetes got through the pregnancy with no complications and returned back to normal afterward.  I just have to have faith that the same will be true for me.  :)

I know in the end  everything will be fine, what truly needs to get done will, and Lana will make her entrance healthy and happy.  This is all that really matters.  As Tom says, I need to focus on the glass being half full instead of half empty.  But this can be super hard to do when you are exhausted, waddling around town, and hormonal in general...