Infertility Support Communities = Stress and Paranoia

Navigating through this difficult process I have, from time to time, turned to various online infertility support communities looking for answers.  These websites do contain tons of helpful information.  However, I am beginning to think they do me more harm than good...

The problem I have with them is this:  The members, along with their signatures attached to the posts, list the dates and details of all procedures they have undergone attempting to have a baby.  Example taken directly from one of the communities:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

[Name here]
me: 38
dh: 43
Diagnosis: unexplained infertility
TTC: 4years+

aug.06-may09: ttc naturally(with occational DR check-ups)
May09: first visit with RE
June09: laparoscopy: normal results
sperm analisis: normal results
Dec09: 1st IUI scheduled
Jan2010: IUI cancelled! Too many eggs! Switch to IVF
Jan2010: 13 eggs retrieved; 11 fertilized
Jan 28, 2010: 2, 8 cell embryos transfered:9 frozen
Feb12: VERY SAD
Apr2010: 1st FET; 2 embryos transfered, 4 die during thaw,3 remain frozen
May05: AGAIN, DEVESTATED
July 2010: started acupuncture and chinese herbs
Aug 2010-present: acupuncture ongoing with chinese herbs.

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This morning, Tom and I were laying in bed and I was googling acupuncture and IUI.  I wanted to find information on how often to  schedule acupuncture treatments in conjunction with the injecible hormones and IUI I will be doing this month.  I found a conversation thread directly on point and began reading the many responses.  I tried to ignore the time lines, but found it to be impossible.   

Unfortunately the example I provided above was one of the least disturbing signatures I found.  Many users were on their fifth or sixth IUI, or had done that many (with negative results) and switched to multiple attempts at IVF.  Some listed pregnancies and healthy babies, but the overwhelming feeling I got from looking at these things is failure.  Failure, failure, failure.  Maybe success after years and years and countless pricey procedures, but 9/10 it was failure.  Talk about taking the wind out of my sails.

I am scheduled to go to the Doctor on Friday for my baseline testing.  The hormone injections (Follistm, or liquid gold if you prefer) are ready to go, sitting next to the mustard in our refrigerator.    As soon as they get a baseline on my hormones, I will begin my first round of the injections culminating in the artificial insemination later this month.  I was so excited before I saw these signatures this morning.  Now all I can think of is failure. 

Tom sensed that something was wrong as I got more and more quiet this morning.  The further I read, the quicker my spirits sank.  Eventually I found myself silently crying in front of the computer.  Tom saw this and took it away.  He held me close and reminded me how important it was to keep positive.  He reminded me that stress and worry will only frustrate our efforts.  Finally,  he banned me from looking to these sites in the future. 

I realize the importance of support and feeling like your not alone.  I know that these online communities offer many positive coping mechanisms for those of us going through fertility treatments.  But, for me, I think Tom is right.  I can't be filling my head with stories of other's failures.  As Tom told me, "Everybody's journey is different.  Their experiences have nothing to do with ours.  You have got to quit willing yourself to fail."  

So, I vow to stay away from these so-called helpful websites.  They are doing me more harm than good.  I am going to call my acupuncturist for advice on scheduling and try like hell to keep positive. 

So, as we embark on this journey, please keep us in your prayers.  If you have good thoughts, send them our way.  If you have my kind of thoughts (sad, paranoid, worried), well just keep them to yourself.  We are full up over here.  ;)

XOXO, will update Friday!