reMEMBERing my place

Have you ever gone to a work function, wedding, or other social event and been seated at a table with complete strangers...Who happen to be very good friends with one another...Where it's like the other people seated there are a part of this private and exclusive club that you could never in a million years hope to join?  It's like walking into a rush party, getting blackballed, and then having to stay for the remaining program.  This is sorta what every single baby shower has felt like for me for at least the last 5 years.

The first few weren't bad because (1) the preggo people were still the outsiders/minority, and (2) My own Infertility was still plausibly deniable.  But as the years marched on, and more and more of my friends went from chick to momma-chick, I began to absolutely dread these gatherings.  Yes, I smiled and nodded as the women talked about bathroom breaks, nipples, onesies, and bottles.  But inside, it was torture.  The sadness, jealously, embarrassment, and self-pity were almost too much to bear.  Thank God most of my friends have a sense of humor and had alcoholic punch at these things.  Otherwise, I may not have made it.

I have also realized that I have been a bit detached from my friends' mommy-hood/mommy-status until now.  What I mean is that I subconsciously glossed-over this part of their lives.  While I tuned out potty-training talk, I became extremely animated when non-mommy subjects were discussed.  I guess I tried to deal with my infertility by trying to "forget" my friends' fertility to a certain extent. 

Today, I attended my first baby shower since overcoming infertility.  One of my good friends, Wendy, is expecting twins this Spring.  For the first time ever, I didn't feel like I was on the outside looking in.  It was so nice to sit at a baby shower and feel only genuine happiness for the mommy-to-be.  That is, happiness without her evil stepsisters Jealousy and Despair. 

As a supposed "member" of the mommy club today, I noticed something else.  There is no "mommy" club.  The mommies and mommies-to-be aren't sitting around planning special outings and exchanging secret handshakes to the exclusion of the non-mommies/non mommies-to be.  In fact, it seems the only people who believe there is a "mommy club" are those who feel left out of it.

I have known many of the women I saw today since we were toddlers.  I could have gone around the room and shared several memories about every single one of those girls (some sweet, some not so PG).  I look at Wendy, the mommy-to-be, and think of "Where's the Beef" (you can ask her yourself), Quarter-a-piece Pack of Cigs, and Lake Cumberland.  I see Stephanie and remember front-yard parties, Disney World, and a bit-too-much fun on the beach one night.  Nikki makes me think of dance recitals, weekend house parties, and Celery (which she despises with a passion).  Cat-daddy brings to mind Dave Matthews Band and really, really bad dancing (sorry Cat).  Anyway, you get the point...

So, to my surprise and utter delight, this shared history is the only "club" around.  I am proud to say I have been a dedicated member for much longer than the past 9 weeks.  And thank God we don't even have to wear ugly green dresses and sing cheesy songs at "pref night"!  ;)  little shout out to my Kappa Delta sisters.

Wendy and Kris, Tom and I wish you all the happiness in the world.  And OMG are those kids going to be beautiful!