BA (Bumpzillas Annonymous)

I'm turning into one of those Mommies-to-be. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I am turning into one of those women who obsess over every twinge, pain, and cramp.  I'm turning into one of those women who leaves weepy messages on my Doc's voicemail wondering if this thing or that thing is "normal."  And I'm turning into one of those women who finds it difficult to think about, or even talk about, anything but the baby.

I really don't want to be one of these women.  I don't know if my past hatred of them was due primarily to my infertility, or if other women have also felt this way at one time or another.  But I have spent the last 10 years ridiculing and avoiding them like the plague.  Women who appear to be excessively self-involved and self-important...Women who exude a certain superiority to those non-pregnant/non-mommy women around her...Women who seem to believe that her current gestational work is somehow special, wondrous, and all awe-inspiring.

However, it is clear now that I have joined their ranks.  And, I have discovered that maybe these women aren't as much self-involved as they are self-conscious.  That maybe, just maybe, they are scared and merely looking for reassurance.  Finally, I have come to realize that they consider their work miraculous simply because it is.

So, in the spirit of being an admitted Bumpzilla, here is the story:  As if my last post was unclear, suffice it to say that I have been mildly worried about the absence of morning sickness in this pregnancy.  A couple of nights ago, I also began cramping in my lower abdomen.  But, it was the spotting yesterday that instantly resulted in PANIC.  Que the weepy voicemail to my doc.  As a result, my doc suggested that we move the ultrasound up before the weekend.  As usual, they were non-committal on the significance of the bleeding combined with cramps.  They were, however, clear that I should come into the office to be examined as soon as possible.

I detected a small amount blood "down there" twice yesterday.  Since about 5:30 p.m. last night, I have yet to see any more of it.  But the cramping has continued.  It's not completely unlike PMS-type cramping, but also not exactly the same.  It's hard to describe. 

So, between the worry, cramps, headache, and night sweats (which I have been having frequently for the last couple of weeks), I didn't get much sleep at all last night.  I'm worried and nervous about this morning. 

I am hoping this worry and concern is merely a Bumpzilla episode.  I'm hoping that along with my obsessiveness with my abdomen, I have also grossly exaggerated the significance of every twinge and every cramp.  And that the bleeding yesterday was merely the kind experienced in several healthy pregnancies, instead of a sign of darker things to come.  Finally, I'm hoping that we get to see that tiny flicker on the screen this morning.  The one that will alleviate my concerns (at least for the next few days LOL) and confirm to me that he/she is still there growing and thriving.     

So, wish us luck!  I'll be updating you later today. 

On a lighter note, I can totally relate to the cartoon below!!!  It made me laugh out loud!