Thanks-giving.

Thanks-giving.  Present-tense.  At its simplest it means to be thankful for what you have been given thus far in your life.  Our anncestors honored Thanksgiving to celebrate a bountiful harvest.  Thankfully, today most of us do not have to worry about starving to death over the winter.  But we should likewise use this time to give thanks for our current blessings...

Bills, everyday to-dos, personal problems, and other worries have a way of making us forget about our blessings in the now.  These last couple weeks, I have allowed myself to fall into this trap.  I suppose this is only natural.  As Tom and I are getting closer to being "cleared" for actual fertility treatment (injections/AI), it is becoming more of a reality that we will have to figure out how to pay for such treatment.  And so everyday I cringe as I pull another bill from the mailbox.  I constantly dwell on one thought:  After all this work figuring out what is wrong with me, how in the world are we going to pay for the actual treatments?  And if somehow we figure out how to, will they work?

Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I de-value all of the blessings I have been given by focusing so much on the future unknown?  Not only is this behavior wasteful, it is also destructive.  It prevents me from living in the moment and enjoying the happiness that is now.  I am in love with a man who makes me smile from morning until night, we are getting married, we have a nice home, we have three beautiful healthy animals, our families are healthy, and we are keeping up with the bills (even if not ahead): so why must I constantly try and squash my own happiness by worrying about the future?

It's not that I am saying we should not think about the future at all.  Planning for the future is important.  But, I am drawing the line when these worries negatively effect my present mood. 

I thank the love of my life for helping me realize this important lesson.  He is constantly reminding me of what is going right...and this is just one of the things for which I am Thankful this Holiday season.