"If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of trouble." Elbert Hubbard
As you know, I have finished two 7-day long rounds of Provera. During my last vaginal ultrasound, Dr. X stated that the walls of my uterus were still too thick to allow proper implantation. The thickness of my uterine walls is actually a buildup of gross stuff I won't even mention here, but suffice is to say the culprit is my hormonal imbalance/PCOS. Two years ago and prior to being treated by Dr. X, I had to have a surgical procedure (D&C) to remedy this condition. However, Dr. X wants to avoid another surgical procedure because this could cause scarring, adding to my already overwhelming fertility challenges. So, the oral meds "Provera" were meant as a substitute for the procedure. Today, we see whether the two-rounds of Provera cleaned me out well enough, or whether another surgery is imminent.
I'm extremely nervous going back in there. First, I am so scared that we will have to do another D&C. Although I felt like the first round of provera did its job, I'm really not so sure about the second. Also, I'm just so nervous to face Dr. X. Last time we were there, he gave us some 'homework.' One of my assignments was to try and shape up/shed some pounds. The complete opposite has occurred. I have gained weight since we were last in. I'm so frustrated with myself! Tom & I were talking the other day, and I actually think I eat to overcome my anxiety. I'm certainly not depressed, being that I'm happier than I have ever been. But, I have extremely high anxiety these days. It's not all due to fertility/infertility issues, although much of it can be traced back to that. It is also the stress of owning my own business, worrying about finances/bills, and all the other things that we everyday people have to deal with. Anytime I find myself worried/anxious, I am reaching for something to eat. That is if I'm hungry or not! Urggg! It annoys me so much.
I am beginning a "boot camp" next week and hopefully that will help me shed some of these pounds. But, how to deal with the anxiety? Any ideas?
Hi Amanda! My name is Claire. I found your blog randomly while searching google for infertility info. I am 25 and I am dealing with some of the same frustrating things it sounds like you are dealing with. I have PCOS and my DH and I are trying to start a family. I don't ovulate either! Anyway I have yet to figure out how to manage the stress successfully! Except, of course, for ice cream... lol :) Oooh, if only ice cream were calorie-free, wouldn't it be a much better world? At any rate, thanks for sharing via your blog - reading about your struggles makes me feel a tiny bit better about my own, like for once, I am not the only one in the world with these crazy problems! Thanks for putting yourself out there!
ReplyDelete