Papaw's Girl

Anybody who has ever had a baby hears it.  Once the belly starts to pooch the least little bit, the questions start: "Do you know what it is yet?"  "Are you going to find out?"  "What do you want?"  For years I have heard other mommies-to-be respond that "they don't care either way" and "just hope the baby is healthy."  While I generally concur with these statements, I submit to you that these mommies are lying.  Maybe it's buried deep down inside, but I guarantee that this politically correct mommy is secretly hoping that the little bean inside her belly is one or the other.  In her dreams, she is clearly seeing pink bows or blue bonnets.

The difference between me and the PC mommies-to-be is that I am rarely PC.  I know this will be a major shock (lol) to some, but I will admit I HOPE THE BABY IS A GIRL.  In fact, I have always wanted a little girl.  In all the years I dreamed of being lucky enough to get pregnant, the gender of the resulting baby was always the same.  Never a boy, always a girl.  With brown hair and blue eyes.  Ok, a mini version of me.  A bit self obsessed and petty, but I can't help that it is true.

I also believe that this is one instance where I am truly a victim of my circumstances.  Throughout my life, women have literally ruled my roost.  At home, there was my mom, my sister, and me.  Then,  there was Dad.  To be honest, the sheer amount of estrogen flowing through the house made his presence a bit muted (sorry dad).  In my extended family (on my mother's side), there were 12 grandchildren in total.  Only 2 of them were boys.  When the family got together it was a complete girl black-out.  And, of course, then there was Mamaw.  The Matriarch.  The leader of the little women, big women, and actually everybody else too (my Papaw and Uncles included).   Girls are all I know.  With girls I am comfortable.

Despite of the girl-frenzy, I had an absolutely magical relationship with my Papaw.  I was "his girl."  He called me his "baby doll, sweetheart of the world."  I was his favorite, and he made no bones about it.  He actually told the other grandchildren this fact.  I guess he too was not PC.  LOL.  Because of this closeness, I think I have always wanted a girl to be spoiled by a grandfather or father.  There is just nothing like it.  I was a lucky, lucky child to have had this experience with my Papaw.  

Finally, I think I am wishing for a girl because:


-I am an expert in dance lessons, gymnastics, Girl Scouts, big filly bows, and pink sponge rollers.  However, I am lost when it comes to sports, jock straps, and activities requiring one to get dirty. 

-I can relate to the humiliation of a first bra or first period.  I know absolutely nothing of the penis (ok, ok, maybe not nothing).  

-I just don't get the middle-school hormone surge that causes rampant masturbation in the male gender.  Now, the middle-school hormone surge that causes drama and often results in frienemies with us ladies, I know this one all too well.

                   
It doesn't help matters that Tom also wants a little girl.  He has a son, a wonderful son who actually turns 18 in a few months.  He has his mini-me, so now he is really hoping for a little girl (that will undoubtedly have him wrapped around her little finger).

Then you have my mom.  And my sister.  And Tom's mom.  And Tom's Dad and Step-Mom.  And Tom's sister.  They are ALL hoping for a girl.  Again, the only odd-one-out in the scenario is my poor dad.  He is the only one who is hoping for a boy.  I think he sees this as his second chance to have a little man to throw a ball with, or at the very least talk about throwing a ball.  Poor guy.

So, with my admitted preference for little girls, I give no stock to any "feeling" I have about the sex of the baby.  Of course I have a feeling it's a girl.  Duh.  I decided to not get my hopes up until I was told by a professional:  Either my OB or a really really talented psychic.


And, no, I am not joking about the psychic (although not as much a psychic as a medium).  I have discussed my belief in this ability before on the blog.  There is ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT in my mind that some people have a God-given gift which enables them to speak to those who have passed on.  I believe this just as I believe in God.  This belief is a major part of my spirituality and shapes the way I understand the world (both here and in the afterlife).

So, it was completely natural that I would want to visit a spiritual medium to speak to my loved ones about this pregnancy and the changes in my life.  A few weeks ago I finally got my chance.  I was lucky enough to secure an appointment with a medium who is booked 8-10 months in advance.  I have been on her waiting list for months.  I cannot tell you how excited I was when I got the call.  I immediately dropped everything and said YES I'LL COME.

I won't go into the entire 30 minute consultation.  I have an audio recording of it, so anyone who is especially curious is welcome to come take a listen.  What I will tell you are the highlights:

1.  When seeing a psychic or medium, I am always careful to provide as little information as possible.  This particular one knew nothing but my first name and my cell phone number.  I tried to hide my tiny baby bump and wore clothing that was not screaming maternity.  Maybe fat girl, but not maternity.  LOL

 2.  The first thing she said was that my aura told her I was "The Counselor" and helped people using my words. As you know, attorneys are regularly addressed as Counselor.  Ok, this is going ok.

3.  As she continued to describe my aura, she said that it indicated many flattering, but decidedly generalized characteristics.  These things were nice to hear, but didn't have me convinced just yet.

4.  Then it happened.  She stopped in her tracks, looked at me, and said "Jim, Jimmy, James.  There is a Jim or Jimmy here who wants to talk to you."  I lost it.  She could have told me just about anything after this and I would believe it.  This is when I knew she was for real.  My Papaw.  Of course.  The first to come talk to me.  Turns out I am still Papaw's girl, babydoll sweetheart of the world. 

 5.  After acknowledging my Papaw's presence, she indicated there was also a female presence.  She seemed confused and asked me several times, "You are Amanda, right?"  She said she couldn't hear the name clearly of the female presence but that it sounded like Anna, Ananda, or something similar.  Again, she asked, "Your name is Amanda, right?"  At this time I knew what was happening.  I knew my Mamaw, also Amanda, was there and the medium was confused.  But I wanted her to figure it out on her own.  I let her go on a little longer with the confusion and then finally let her in on the secret.  Yes, she is saying Amanda, but she is not referring to me.  That was her name also.  She seemed relieved to have figured that out.  I was feeling especially blessed.  I really felt them there.

6.  She asked if I have a little girl.  I said no.  She asked if I had lost a little girl in the past.  I said no.  She said, "Well, are you wanting a little girl?"  I said yes.  I had not told her I was pregnant at this time.  She said "Good, because Jim keeps saying that he has your little girl."  This stopped me in my tracks.  I could hold it in no longer.  I told her I was pregnant.  She said, "well did you know you were having a little girl?"  I said, "No."  She apologized for ruining the surprise, but she said my Papaw was insisting that she let me know that he was taking care of her for me.  By this point, I was full-fledged crying and sniffling with tissues.**

**I asked her how Papaw could "have my little girl" when she has not actually been born yet.  She explained to me the existence and concept of a "soul."  She claims that all people have a soul that lives on even after death.  During life on this earth, our soul leaves the body at night while we sleep and goes "home" to rest and rejuvenate.  She says that it is the same thing with unborn children.  The child's "soul" is created at conception.  While the baby is forming inside the belly, the baby's soul is "at home" with our loved ones waiting to be reunited with his/her body.  This reunion will occur at birth. 


So, with the current evidence tending toward female, my mom and I did the forbidden the other day.  My mom actually bought the baby "her first gown."  It's just a little dress that was on sale at Von Maur, but to me it represents so much more:

 
All of the above being said, I do only want the baby to be healthy.  And if he/she turns out to be a boy, I will do my damnedest to learn everything I can about baseball, Boy Scouts, and the penis.

Guess we will all just have to wait and see...