IN IT to WIN IT

I'm so tired but can't sleep.  Insomnia is back and kicking my butt.  Urg.

Since I hit 13 weeks, I have had a horrible insomnia problem.  At first, I just felt super uncomfortable.  I would lay down wanting to go to sleep, but absolutely could not quit moving my legs.  My sister has suffered from "restless leg syndrome" for years, but I'll admit that I really didn't understand what she was feeling.  That is until now.  It is horribly frustrating to be soooo tired and so active at the same time.

To add insult to injury, my arms, hands, and feet began falling asleep at night a couple weeks ago.  I have never had this happen before, and I still am not sure why.  I've read that this is normal because of my increased blood flow which can lead to possible pinched veins, nerves etc.   Either way, I am about to lose my mind.  It has gotten so bad that my hands will go to sleep in the middle of the day too.

The previous two problems were unexpected side effects of this pregnancy.  However, the following is one I KNEW I would have:  Swelling.  I am just one of those people; I swell during the summer without being pregnant!  I have already begun swelling with this pregnancy and my friends, it is not pretty.  

I don't really care aesthetically about the swelling - its that throbbing that bothers me.    I find that the more active I am/more I am on my feet during the day, the worse the swelling gets.  When my feet are super swollen, it literally hurts to stand on them.  Finally, the swelling and limbs falling asleep are counterproductive.  If I sleep with my hands above my heart to lessen the swelling, they go to sleep.  If I sleep with my hands down, they swell.  So annoying!!!

I think these issues are exaggerated because of the mattress we are sleeping on.  It is a hand-me-down and as hard as nails.  It has no "give" at all.  After a few nights sleeping in a recliner, I decided it was time to get a new one.  I don't believe it will cure all my sleep issues all together during this pregnancy, but I am hopeful it will help even a little bit.

Even with a pregnancy as sought after as this one, it is easy to get bogged down in the negative.  I have complained and whined about lack of sleep and muscle/joint pain all week.  I may have even been...shall I say it?  Moody (yes, Tom, I can detect when I am being somewhat hormonal LOL)

But on our way home from Louisville last night, we stopped at CVS to buy yet more lotion to rub on my ever expanding body.  I am also suffering from dry skin in general, which is caused by the hormones, but also adds to the drama at night.  Passing by the candy aisle, Tom said something off the cuff and without purpose (as usual, haha).   He commented, "Just think, this time next year we will be buying Easter candy for an Easter basket."  This observation summed up the entire reason I am in this swollen, sleepless state to begin with.  And his comment reminded me of the total insignificance of my temporary discomforts. 

In the game of procreation, the only thing that really matters is end score.  As long as the score is Tom and Amanda: One, Infertility: Zero, who cares about all this silly stuff anyway?  Holding our  beautiful little "point" in October will be worth it all. 

So when fatigue and frustration get the best of me, I just need to shut my mouth and learn to listen.  It's easier said than done, especially for an attorney who makes her living talking.  But instead of repetitively hearing my own complaints and discomforts, listening may just remind me of the undeniable blessing that we have been given. 

Funny thing is, the picture in my head from Tom's comment made me feel better than I have all week.   Of course, I still had him rub me down with lotion when we got home.  But this is a pregnant gal's prerogative, right?  :)

Happy Easter friends!  I hope your Easter baskets are filled to the brim this year with chocolate bunnies, peeps, and most of all Love  :)